Help For Families: Getting through the holidays in a military family

Q: My husband is serving in the military and I am having a hard time getting through this long holiday season without him. How can I make the season seem more festive for my children even though my mood is so somber?

A: The Help for Families panel applauds you for thinking about how this is affecting your children when you are going through such a difficult time.

It may be difficult, but try to put on a cheerful face for the sake of your children, the panel says.
"Your mood will set the tone for the holiday," says panelist Mary Lou Scarf. "You need to be aware of that. So think about it in terms of how will your children look back on this holiday. You want them to remember how mom got them through a tough time."

Stop thinking globally and just deal with the immediate, says panelist Michael Daniels.

"Take each day at a time and focus just on what you can do that day," he says. "That way you won't get so overwhelmed."

You can involve the children in doing something each day to help them feel closer to their father, he says.

He suggests keeping a daily journal, writing down thoughts and sending regular cards to their father. Computers allow for more direct communication through e-mail and even Skype, a software that allows users to make phone calls and do video conferencing over the Internet.

You probably know other military families, the panel says.

Reach out to them and maybe form your own support group, says Scarf.

Contact the nearest military base to see what services are available for families of deployed parents. Penn State Cooperative Extension also offers the Penn State Clearinghouse for Military Family Readiness, an online database where military families can access services.

Take care of yourself by getting enough rest and eating well so you have energy for your family, says panelist Bill Vogler.

"Realize you are not by yourself and there are many others in the same situation," he says.

Volunteer with a group that sends packages to the troops so your family can feel like they are supporting the military, says panelist Suzanne Mulhern.

Christmas is about giving, says Daniels. Get involved with a religious organization or community group that does something for those who are less fortunate. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or have the kids donate toys for Toys for Tots.

"Involve the children in the true meaning of Christmas," he says.

You have a unique opportunity to mentor for your children, Mulhern says.

Also talk to your children about the military and what your husband does, says Vogler.

"He does something your family can be proud of," Vogler says. "Talk about how you are all making sacrifices for a bigger cause. This is a good life lesson."

Source: http://www.mcall.com/entertainment/mc-families-help-1226-20111225,0,6798377.story?track=rss

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