Casey Oakes, 26, of Monroe, N.J., left, Dan Choyce, 21, of Sicklerville, N.J., center left, Zach Wulderk, 19, of Hammonton, N.J., and his brother Dylan Wulderk, 22, right, wait for a ruling on same sex marriage at the Supreme Court in Washington, Wednesday, June 26, 2013. (AP Photo/Cliff Owen)
For most of his military career Sgt. Richard Winn said he wasn't hiding a secret, he was hiding his dreams.
Like many others, Winn, 27, dreamed about falling in love, getting married and providing for his spouse as he served his country in the United States Armed Forces.
"Marriage to me, and for anybody who wants to get married, is a sacred thing," Winn said. "It's always been a dream of mine to get married and have that fairytale marriage."
But Winn is gay, and until about two years ago his country didn't want to know that he fell in love with a man named Sam three years ago. Now the U.S. Department of Defense will offer Winn's partner spousal benefits, despite the objections of some politicians and residents,
after a ruling by the U.S. Supreme Court two weeks ago to end the Defense of Marriage Act.In the past two years, Winn has seen and experienced historic change in the United States Armed Forces, as his lifestyle has been accepted by his superiors and peers.
"When I came into the military that subject was very quiet and not spoken about," Winn said. "Now, I still don't tell anybody I'm gay and they might find out anyways, but no one will speak badly about me."
In September 2011, the military's policy on gay and lesbian lifestyles, known as "don't ask, don't tell," was officially lifted.
Then last month, the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, which had allowed individual states to not recognize
same-sex marriages granted in other states."The repeal of "don't ask, don't tell" was a greater step," Winn said. "That was more about equality than this one. DOMA would only apply to long-term, same-sex marriage, where "don't ask, don't tell" affected single soldiers."
Both rulings have stirred controversy and debate. For someone like Winn, it's a step toward equality. But, for Salvador Gomez, a retired sailor, it is a step in the wrong direction.
Gomez said during his 20 years of service he was not a supporter of women on naval ships because potential relationships of any type do not belong in a combat situation.
"Anything that could happen on land between a man and woman could happen on a ship and it hurt the ship's morale," Gomez said. "Whenever there was a rumor about a soldier being gay, it would also disrupt the ship's morale."
Two years ago, Gomez participated in an effort to recall Mayor John Cook and former City Reps. Susie Byrd and Steve Ortega after they voted to restore partner benefits for city employees. The benefits were originally taken away during a ballot initiative.
The ruling by the Supreme Court has allowed military benefits, similar to the ones Gomez fought against for city employees, for legally married same-sex couples.
Fort Bliss spokesman Maj. Joe Buccino said the Department of Defense soon will begin to offer all benefits to same-sex couples.
"Everyone wants to be sure that everyone who serves the county is treated with the same respect and dignity," Buccino said. "We welcome the decision and will begin the process to ensure all soldiers have equal benefits for their spouses and partners."
Those benefits will include the issuance of military identification cards for spouses and access to all the benefits that come with them, including medical and dental coverage, a housing allowance and the right to be buried in a military cemetery, Buccino said.
"When they are in combat, they put their lives at equal risk, so they should be considered equal away from combat," Buccino said. "It is the right thing to do, and it has always been the right thing to do."
Gomez disagrees and said he is "totally disgusted" that the military would give those benefits to gay couples. He calls it a mistake.
"It makes me sick that my taxpayer money is going toward something that shouldn't be," Gomez said. "We are being bullied to accept this lifestyle, and I don't have a say. I think in the long run it is going to hurt the military and this country."
Other policies about benefits for gay couples are still being sorted out. Buccino said the Department of Defense will spend the next six to 12 weeks gathering information from its soldiers and then it will issue guidance on how certain issues will be decided.
If a couple has a marriage license, then they will receive benefits. Some states do not have same-sex marriage, so the Department of Defense must figure out how to distribute benefits in those situations, Buccino said.
"The Army fully intends to make all benefits available to all soldiers regardless of sexual orientation," Buccino said. "It's an issue of equality for all our soldiers."
Gomez said he believes that the military should not give benefits to gay marriage couples if they are stationed in a state that does not allow gay marriages.
Winn said he thinks that benefits should be allowed in all states and that the marriages could be recognized by proxy from the states that allow it.
"The Department of Defense put out some messages on it," Winn said. "They weren't direct on how they were going to deal with it. It seemed that they were already prepared (for the Supreme Court's ruling)."
Winn said he had been monitoring the Department of Defenses decisions on gay marriage recently and had expected the decision to come down shortly after the Supreme Court's ruling on the Defense of Marriage Act.
While he is happy with the steps the military is taking, he still has some questions, such as what if the couple does not live in a state that allows gay marriage, but have been committed to each other for years.
"Are they going to put out a universal marriage in the military status or are they going to just take your word for it (if you do not have marriage license)?" Winn asked.
"It would have been a better victory if they figured it out right there and then."
The court's decision and the steps the military takes in the next few weeks are important to Winn. He said he doesn't just view it as a victory for gays in the military, but for everyone in the country.
"I don't see it as just benefits," Winn said. "It's more of a recognition by the federal government. The state legislature will follow suit eventually. Right now being recognized federally is more important than in the state."
That means that no matter where Winn goes, he can have the ending to his fairy-tale love story, he said.
Winn met his partner, Sam, in 2010. Sam was also in the armed forces at the time.
"Within three days of first meeting him, we started our three-year relationship," Winn said. "We talk about (marriage) a lot. Now it is becoming more of a reality. Now it feels like a physical thing we can obtain."
If they do get married, Winn said he doesn't want Sam to be considered his partner or boyfriend. He would want Sam to be recognized as a husband. Everything else is a second-class title. "It's almost insulting to an extent that they consider that to be equality," Winn said.
Winn said he plans on leaving the Army soon with a medical discharge.
Earlier this year, Sam moved to Baton Rouge, La. to go to school. Winn will join him once he is out of the Army.
If the DOMA ruling had been issued earlier, Winn said he might be telling a different story. Winn said he might have considered staying in the Army and Sam might have stayed in El Paso with him.
"It would have been a huge factor," Winn said. "It has been a conversation I've had with my partner many times."
"Especially being able to supply that support (such as benefits) for my partner," Winn added.
Even once Winn is out of the Army, he said the Supreme Court's ruling has given him a chance at the rest of his dream -- to have a family.
"This is going to move same sex-families forward," Winn said.
"A state won't be able to discriminate and they can't deny gay couples to adopt."
And he will be able to tell his future children that he was in the Army when history was made. "To see that transformation in the military is great," Winn said. "There is no stigmatization about being gay."
Aaron Bracamontes may be reached at abracamontes@elpasotimes.com; 546-6156. Follow him on Twitter @AaronBrac
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